Tuesday, April 7, 2009

The addition of a dog.

Law Offices of
Johnston & Johnston
Lower East Kenwood

Sofia Johnston-Wenzel

Nokomis Lake House Estate

4933 36th Avenue South
Minneapolis, MN 55417

Greetings Sofia,

I’ve noticed you have been adopted by Sarah Johnston and Paul Wenzel. Congratulations and welcome to the family. I look forward to getting to know you better. Allow myself to formally introduce myself as your owner’s sister. Despite what you may have heard I am actually not all that bad of a person. Since I am the youngest and have had misfortune with responsibility in the past I have been the subject of ridicule, which has now made everyone that crosses my path the subject of ridicule.

I hope you are enjoying your lodgings, as they were previously mine. I have taken this as a subtle clue that your owners no longer need my company at the Nokomis Lake House Estate.

I assume you have been adopted into the family to supply some sort of income since your owners are currently unemployed or at an unstable status of income. I have a few suggestions for career choices that may interest you; Tollbooth Operator (with your unfortunate not moving or stagnant condition, this could be very fitting), Minnehaha Parks and Recreation (because you seem to enjoy the outdoors), or I’m sure your Uncle Tex could always use and assistant for his various modeling gigs.

Let me tell you a few things about your new owners. They like eggs. Paul does not like loud things, though I’ve heard that will not be an issue with you he also likes lists and organization and baking. Sarah hates scrambled eggs and is sensitive and she doesn’t like it when people are indecisive, she likes Paul, ALOT. Sally and Betty are cats, not chew toys and their beauty rest is very important to them.

Most of these things about your new owners are trivial. They are two of the most beautiful and caring people I know. I cannot think of anyone more suitable to care for you and to help introduce you to what we think is a very enjoyable life. Full of great mini travel adventures, cozy nights with Jameson and good company, and a lot of new and interesting hobbies and projects to always keep you learning and living healthily. I have absolutely no doubt that you will enjoy your life at the Nokomis Lake House Estate with Sarah and Paul.

I have enclosed a few garments for your various business meetings and cocktail parties you will be attending in the future. I hope you enjoy them, do not hesitate to contact me if they need alterations to better suite you.

Thank you.

Best Regards,

Kelsey A. Johnston

Law Offices of Johnston & Johnston

Lower East Kenwood